I wrote part one of the inaugural A2Z Sports March Madness Mascot vs Mascot bracket a little while ago, where I cruised through the 32 matchups in the round of 64. Today, we continue onto the round of 32, and I am currently fresh off of spring break and in the period where teachers pile up the course load as soon as you get back, so don’t hate me if this ends up being a shorter article than usual.
(The many naysayers who’ve been praying on my downfall likely read that last sentence and thought there was a chink in the armor, but that’s certainly not the case. While we’re keeping it shorter today, we’re obviously not skimping on quality)
EAST – ROUND 2
STETSON (HATTER) VS NORTHWESTERN (WILDCAT)
A guy who makes hats stacked up against an apex predator. The hatter made it past round one solely because they were up against a cute lil husky, but a wildcat is a different breed (literally). The hatter is getting clawed to shreds, especially if he’s got some of those goofy ass Cam Newton hats on him. Wildcat moves on.
UAB (DRAGON) VS AUBURN (TIGER)
The tiger in this battle is like the wildcat in the last matchup; an apex predator stacked up against an even more apex predator. The dragon is just too OP. I see it going extremely deep in this bracket, barring some wild upset. For now though, the tiger exits and the dragon moves on.
BYU (COUGAR) VS ILLINOIS (ILLINI)
In the round one blog, I mentioned how there are many human mascots that simply don’t stand a chance against the many vicious animals in the bracket. There are many cats (wildcats, cougars, tigers, catamounts), dogs (wolves, wolfpacks, lobos), and others (bears, sharks, dragons) that humans would lose to 10 times out of 10. An Illini is an indigenous person native to Illinois, and while the fighting Illini are known to be fierce warriors, no Illini would choose to go one on one with a cougar. Sorry Illini, but the cougar would wax your shit, respectfully. Cougar advances.
WASHINGTON STATE (COUGAR) VS IOWA STATE (CYCLONE)
A natural disaster being in this bracket is unfair to say the least. What’s this cougar supposed to do? Grip its claws into the dirt and pray the storm goes away? The cougar is getting sent out of the arena and into the consolation bracket. Iowa State comes out on top in round two, and is looking to make a very deep run.
SOUTH – ROUND 2
HOUSTON (COUGAR) VS NEBRASKA (CORNHUSKER)
Three cougars in a row? What is this, Zach Wilson’s dream bracket? Anyhow, this is just another regular human vs a massive cat, and just like the first matchup of this round, the cat moves on. Houston, welcome to the Sweet Sixteen!
WISCONSIN (BADGER) VS DUKE (BLUE DEVIL)
The Blue Devil is the dark horse of this tournament. Nobody knows its true potential, nor the extent it’s willing to go to decimate its opponent. A badger on the other hand averages 12-16 pounds in weight and only made it past round one because it was up against the weakest opponent in the tournament. I won’t even mention that sad little being’s name, so if you need a recap, review my last blog. Moving on, the badger is too undersized to take on the blue devil, so the blue devil advances.
NC STATE (WOLF PACK) VS OAKLAND (GOLDEN GRIZZLY BEAR)
With possibly the best matchup of round two, we have a faceoff that has certainly happened in nature before. So, let’s do a quick google search and see what we find:
So…it goes to video analysis and review:
Let’s break this down. Both are apex predators. Both rip prey to shreds; and in yellowstone, the prey include each other’s children. Gonna be honest, I had no idea family was going to become a thing in this bracket, but I’m loving the twist.
If we look closer at the video, there’s a moment where a pack of wolves tries to hunt a young grizzly cub, but Mama Grizz fends them off. So, if we take the young cub out of the equation, I say the bear wins. Oakland moves on.
COLORADO (BUFFALO) VS MARQUETTE (GOLDEN EAGLE)
This one is way easier than the last. While a buffalo would have a tough time reaching the eagle, soon enough the eagle would have to land, and that’s when the buffalo stampedes. CU fights on!
MIDWEST – ROUND 2
GRAMBLING STATE (TIGER) VS UTAH STATE (AGGIE)
Another huge cat versus a normal, slightly nerdy human who loves plants. The tiger dominates and punches its ticket to the Sweet Sixteen.
MCNEESE (COWBOY) VS KANSAS (JAYHAWK)
This one is interesting. I originally thought that a jayhawk was a real bird, but it turns out that the mascot’s name is derived from the term “jayhawker”, after the “Free State or Union partisans during the Bleeding Kansas period and subsequently the United States Civil War” (straight from Wikipedia, so take that as you may). That being said, let’s act like a jayhawk is a real bird, and not massive in size equal to Big Bird, like the mascot implies. That being the case, the cowboy wins in a landslide.
SOUTH CAROLINA (GAMECOCK) VS CREIGHTON (BLUEJAY)
Much like the round one matchup between the gamecock and the duck, the gamecock is just the meaner bird in this matchup, so it gets the win. Sorry Mordecai.
TEXAS (LONGHORN) VS TENNESSEE (VOLUNTEER)
The longhorn pulled the shortest of straws here. I mean, it’d be like the UAB dragon getting matched up against Saint George himself. Nobody knows how to wrangle longhorns like them southerners from Tennessee, Texas, Oklahoma, etc. They don’t need rope, weapons, or anything else to best that beast. Tennessee advances.
WEST – ROUND 2
HOWARD (BISON) VS MICHIGAN STATE (SPARTAN)
The Spartan, a heavy favorite in the west, matches up with his biggest opponent yet. While I said earlier that humans going up against beasts would never end up well, this is no normal human. A Spartan is not to be fucked with, and a bison simply does not have what it takes to kill one. It was a good run, Howard, but you’re heading home. For Sparta!!!
GRAND CANYON (ANTELOPE) VS ALABAMA (CRIMSON TIDE)
The dilemma of the round one bracket was whether the Crimson Tide’s mascot was an elephant or a whole Alabama football roster with red stained jerseys. It was decided that no matter which it was, they’d advance to round two. I believe the same holds true here, so Alabama is on to round 3. Until Bama reaches an opponent that will make them choose which mascot represents them, we’ll leave it up in the air.
CLEMSON (TIGER) VS BAYLOR (BEAR)
This was another one that I was split on. To google we go:
Well, now I feel like an idiot. I am a big bear guy myself, so that bias made me look past how nasty a tiger’s build really is. Apparently tigers weigh between 220-660 lbs and average 6-10 feet in length (!). Add in the reflexes, weaponry in the hands and mouth, and you’ve got a top contender in this bracket. Sorry bear, you know I love you, but the tiger is on its way to the Sweet Sixteen.
NEVADA (WOLFPACK) VS ARIZONA (WILDCAT)
I’ve said this many times about wolves, but I’ll say it again: they find strength in numbers. Since Nevada is a wolf pack, not a lone wolf, the wildcat signed itself up for a fight it can’t win. Even if it were a lone wolf, if we were to break this fight down it’s just a big dog vs a big cat. Now, a wildcat one on one with a wolf would be a pretty fair fight, but throw in the whole pack and you’ve got one sad, bloody kitty on your hands. Nevada advances.
And that does it for today. Turns out the article wasn’t too short at all. Anyways, I’m glad to be back after a relaxing spring break, and I can’t wait to dive into the Sweet Sixteen matchups come Friday. Let me hear your thoughts in the comments or on Twitter/X, and we’ll see y’all in a couple days!