Ok, this will be a weird one…
Let’s start here: have you ever had a dream that felt so real, even after you woke up? Have you ever quickly checked your phone to see if you were really in the future, or if you really sent that text, or if you actually got that dream job offer? Those are all normal possibilities for dreams, but I think I may be the first to ever wake up and be convinced that I became best friends with Jahlil Okafor.
That’s right, when my roommates woke me from my slightly intoxicated slumber and bravely asked if I’d like to hit the gym, the first thing that came out of my mouth was “where’s Jahlil?” which immediately prompted a laugh. At first, I took it as disrespect towards my dear friend who just so happened to be the third overall pick in the 2015 draft, so I rolled over as a sign that there was now no way they were getting me to go lift with them.
As I lay there slightly disgusted at my roommates and equally disgusted at myself for not going to the gym, I reflected on my seemingly life long friendship with Jahlil. And that’s when reality started to hit:
1 – Never in my life have I met Jahlil Okafor
2 – It’s March, not July
3 – Jahlil was never on the my favorite team, the Celtics
4 – Jahlil has been out of the NBA since the end of the 2020/21 season
5 – Jahlil Okafor now plays in the Chinese Basketball Association for the Zhejiang Lions
Since I haven’t quite gotten there in the story yet, you’re probably wondering about #2 on that reality check list.
You see, our friendship came from humble beginnings. We met on a basketball court (because where else would you meet an NBA player, they don’t exist in the real world), and I mistook Jahlil for Joel Embiid at first, but don’t spin that the wrong way. He really did look like Joel, but then his face started to shift the way faces do in dreams, and POOF! He was Jahlil Okafor.
Next thing I know, I am apologizing for calling him Joel, because moments before his face shifted and he really was Joel Embiid, the Boston Sports fan inside of me was shouting “JOEL, YOU BUM! BOOK YOUR CANCUN TICKETS FOR THE BEGINNING OF MAY! YOU AIN’T GETTING PAST THE CELTS THIS YEAR OR ANY YEAR!”
Turns out, Jahlil is the nicest guy ever. He instantly forgave me for mistaking (rightfully so or not) him for Joel, and put all of the heinous things I said behind us. I was blown away at his sincerity and kindness, so the next obvious move for me was to ask for a selfie, which I never do in all honesty. He went two for two in my books when he said selfies stink and we should “rip it up” at the 4th of July fair instead. Next thing I know, the gym doors burst open, and whaddya know, there was a whole ass 4th of July celebration commencing right outside. Naturally, Jahlil and I start pounding beers, mucking Chipwiches, throwing everything up on rollercoaster rides, and playing 1v1 hoops (I won, but he might have let me).
It was a perfect day for the boys. That is, until I woke up to my roommates (and real life friends) asking if I wanted to go to the gym.
Anyways, not sure how to close this wild story out, so I guess I’m ending it here. That being said, If any of you readers see Jahlil, tell him A2Z’s crossover is still mint, and I’ll be waiting to snatch his ankles next July.